At a very young age, kids start to feel and experience a lot of emotions, anger included. When present within their environment, anger could be absorbed by their very innocent minds and it starts to build up ready to be expressed when the right time comes. This we learned recently.
Days after our car got rear-ended by a motorcycle, Marcus asked his mother, “Mommy, why does daddy get angry when driving?” I didn’t ask my wife whether our son used the adverb ‘sometimes’ or ‘always’ to describe the frequency but the news struck me—and I seem to know the answer anyway. Marcus who has been allowed in the front passenger seat since he turned seven was not only there to enjoy the view but was after all observing my emotions as well. Driving must be making people angry so for this same reason he does not want to drive in the future anymore.
I have not offered an explanation to our son since I heard about his observation and conclusion regarding my bad driving habits. However, I all of a sudden have a late New Year resolution declared that I should start changing how I drive—at the very least, when he is around—so I could convince him that driving could be a pleasant experience. If he could actually drive soon is another matter.
“Daddy, I won’t be able to drive,” I heard him when I allowed him one day to sit on his own in the driver seat while parked. “I still have short legs, can’t reach the pedals yet,” he added. I smiled and said, “Not now, but soon.” I was suppressing sadness, I was telling him a lie.
Driving will be the least of his worries when Marcus gets older. His dystrophy is taking its toll on his mobility and what was once a simple task of standing and staying still is presently becoming more of a challenge. I can see his frustrations often. Last night, I heard his sentiment myself.
“I am angry at God.” A statement he once told his mother, he said it again immediately after we had our regular night prayer. Like a shot of espresso, such short yet strong statement got me back on my senses away from a progressing sleepy state. Time seems to go slow as my mind processes what it heard while at the same tries to recall every plausible explanation it could get from what I learned in Catholic school and from the homilies in the masses I have attended. How on earth am I going to explain and defend God to this child who regularly prays before he goes to bed?
Well, my wife and I had something. That God has plans for everyone and everything happens for a reason. That to feel angry at his present condition is perfectly normal but he must understand and keep his faith that God does look after him. It sounds cliché but it was the most rational we can muster at that very moment. We hope that as Marcus grows up and continues to have more questions in life we also strengthen our faith so that we will have better and convincing answers. Answers that are real, answers that we know aren’t lies.
No pictures for now, will not waste time waiting for Photobucket to load. We’re getting a passport of Marcus.
Mood: 2/10 Honks! (Heading to DFA Alabang)